The Blog

thanksOne thing Katie and I have in common is how much people cherish our thank-you notes. We speak our love.

Katie remembers what I told her when she was little, that because people are enchanted by her notes they’re likely to save them and even show them off. “How would you feel,” I’d asked, “if two of your friends compared notes and found they were worded much the same way?”

I hadn’t realized she’d remembered that, let alone taken it so much to heart. But to this day she takes a photo of her notes to make sure she doesn’t fall back on the same old. Not a bad idea, unless you’re like me -- and the thought of wading through that many more photos doesn’t enchant.

I write a lot of notes, and I write a lot of notes to some of the same people. The way I keep things original is by sticking to what just happened. When I’m tempted to say something general like “seeing your name in the program lineup puts a bounce in my step” I’ll often preface it with, “Maybe I’ve told you this before.” Repetition is okay, after all. Sometimes. That’s why advertising messages work (and annoy).

It takes time to make sure your notes sparkle in all the right ways. That’s why they mean so much.

Once upon a time I apologized to a friend for telling him the same story twice. “Actually,” he said, “you’ve told that story three times, and apologized for telling it twice twice.”

How embarrassing.

In an attempt to spare others that embarrassment, I came up with a way of responding to people who repeat themselves. “I remember you telling me that!” I’ll say. Note the exclamation point. I’m smiling, I’m engaged, I’m making it clear it was a delight to hear the first time and I’m tickled to be reminded of that fun. The person then skips ahead to the point, the reason for sharing the story -- while seeming thankful I was listening. Both times.

If I’ve had enough sleep I’m eager to get to work. If I haven’t, I wonder how soon I can have breakfast.

Does that sound familiar? Is plenty of sleep as important to you as it is to me? The reason I ask is that it’s not always obvious if you’re getting enough.

If you’re more interested in snacking than knocking off another project, you might not be hungry so much as sleep-deprived. I’m hardly the first person to have that observation, and there’s a reason. Sleep is magic.

Are you a good sleeper?
February 13, 2018

A funny thing happened when I cut back -- way back -- on caffeine. Darrell started sleeping better.

I was sleeping better, so he was.

Neither of us had any idea how much influence we have on the other, even in sleep.

Good to know!

Are you getting stronger?
February 12, 2018

moonlight croppedThe other day I shared with Darrell an idea for advancing a project. “You aren’t thinking big enough,” he said. “It will take twenty years to get anywhere that way.” Then he told me the person he thought I should pitch, and gave me a few pointers.

A wave of fear washed over me. “That’s good,” I thought. Of course it’s scary. Reaching way out for life usually is.

About a week later I got a call from a guy who joined me on the show recently. He’s a titan, and I don’t use that word loosely. He wanted help with something he’s working on (long story). But like the class act he is, he first asked about my work and wondered how he could help.

I laid out my “dream scenario,” the one Darrell had encouraged me to go after.

The titan’s reaction was swift. “No,” he said. “Just…no.” He promised that -- while not impossible -- the odds of anything good happening were almost zero.

I didn’t disagree, but he wasn’t finished.

“Let me get this straight,” he seemed to be saying. “You have ABC going on, and you think it would be a good idea to get in touch with XYZ about that? What are you, nuts?” He gave me the feeling this move would fail so spectacularly I’d have difficulty getting out of bed for a while, let alone proceed with the project. “That’s cute,” I could imagine him thinking. “That’s a good one.”

I gave myself credit for having a dream scenario. At least I’d been working the problem. More importantly, I loved my reaction to his reaction. I was not only open to the man’s opinion, I thanked my lucky stars he shared it with me. He cuts me no slack. I love that.

And, yes. He also told me how to get started in a new, less “dopey,” direction!

Several months ago I told another guest on the show I find myself running toward pain because time’s running out -- and I still have a lot to learn. “That’s brave,” he’d said. I’d like to think so. I am getting stronger. Anyone who’s ever accused me of being “too” sensitive didn’t hear my end of the conversation I just told you about. I couldn’t stop laughing when I gave Darrell the recap. “That was brutal,” I told him. “And all I could think was, ‘Bring it.’ People pay otherworldly amounts of money for this kind of advice. I’m so lucky.”

You know what else? It’s just fascinating to watch people like this work.

When Heroic Ownership author Scot Hunsaker ran one of his dad’s businesses, his dad was forever stopping by to ask Scot what the heck he was doing. To the older gentleman’s credit, he’d give Scot a chance to explain. “Well, okay,” he’d say as he left the office.

But he didn’t leave it at that. More often than not, as Scot shared on the show recently, his dad would toss off this gem as he walked away: “That’s the best idea I’ve heard in my life!”

Can you imagine?

The day after we recorded this interview, Darrell shared an idea with me -- how I might be able to get further, faster on a project I’m working on. I looked at him. “That’s a great idea!” I said. I would have had that reaction regardless, but I gushed a bit more and for just a bit longer than I would’ve otherwise.

Who’s your role model for cheerleading?

What inspires fresh eyes?
February 10, 2018

My friend Brooks Palmer suggests you take a pile of what’s almost certainly clutter and move it to a different room. It’ll help you see it for what it is. Clutter! In its natural habitat it becomes, as our family likes to say, “part of the furniture.” You get used to it being there. You can’t imagine it not being there.

When something’s out of place you look at it with fresh eyes. “What the heck was I keeping that for?” I almost always ask.

It’s like what happens when you’re on vacation. You don’t follow the same routines you do at home, and if you’re anything like me you find yourself asking if you could dispense with some of those routines. Habits are great. Ruts? Not so much. Getting the heck out of Dodge for a while can help you tell the difference.

I’m always in search of the perfect conversation. Perfect, but elusive. A topic that will enchant even the most unintentional listener, flawless execution, the works. But the shows we most often put in the win column go off the rails at least once.

“I can’t tell you how many memories I have,” Katie told me recently, “of you making a mistake on the show, and then hearing your laughter and Dad’s laughter and your guest’s laughter. You always fall so gracefully.”

Is there a better gift to bestow on a child? To hear Kate tell it, not necessarily. You don’t have to be perfect. Perfect, as Anna Quindlen might say, is as likely to annoy as anything.

But throwing yourself into a conversation with abandon? Now we’re talking.